Wednesday, June 01, 2005

A Strange Homecoming

On Friday, my friend Trajan Martin was killed in an accident on the Vancouver public train system. It's weird to write about this to an ostensibly public audience, or at least, an audience of people who didn't know him, because as my friend said to me, if you never knew him, you just aren't going to get it.

But I'm going to try and help you, world, get it, because I want you to know what it is that we all lost on Friday. That may sound a little overdramatic, but to people that knew him it won't.

Trajan is a difficult person to describe. He was extrodinarily charismatic, but also shy, admired by kids from the smoke hole and teachers alike, eccentric, very funny, and weird. He had pet fascinations with squirrels and craigmont soda and manipulating vowels. He wore bow-ties and sweater vests to youth parliament sessions.

He was also the most popular person in my class in high school. I don't think a single person in my grad class would disagree with that. And he wasn't popular in the typical way, in the king-of-the-hill, standing on top of the dog-pile kind of way. He would just talk to everyone. And not in a condescending, precious, oh-aren't-I-magnanimous kind of way either. He just wanted to know what other people had to say and he wanted to tell them what he had to say. I think he gave my class the permission for us to realise that smart and cool are not mutually exclusive concepts, and that it's fine, and even great, to be your own strange self. His persona had mythic proportions.

I had the good fortune of acting opposite him, of working on youth parliament projects with him and sitting next to him during alphabetically-arranged-seating grad events. I remember making smart-ass quips under my breath that he would then hear and amplify for the enjoyment of all. I remember him falling out of his chair laughing at our co-actor Kevin's performance of a crusty old Brit out on a date. I remember some backbencher scornfully asking him, during a North Shore Youth Parliament Question Period, whether he thought he had the power to change the world, and Trajan answering in the most serious and assured way, that yes, he did.

When I was in Japan for a year, he was on a similar exchange in Turkey and we wrote letters back and forth that consisted of a constant one-up-manship of outlandish tales and convoluted return addresses. His final letter was written in incredibly small handwriting on the back of a chocolate bar wrapper and included a wad of tiny paper artifacts from Ankara: bus tickets, bubble gum jokes, a packet of sugar from the Hilton, parts of a box of Kraft Dinner. Although hinted at, he never did tell me the full story of "the night [he] ate shit". Any leads on this anyone?

He was the kind of human being who was very good at digging past bullshit and I think he always tried to encounter the world on his own terms. To be in your late teens and have someone your age around to model this kind of living was quite something.

In short, he is the very last person you could imagine dying in a chaotic and meaningless way at the age of twenty-seven.

And now, he has fulfilled his obligation as valedictorian and organized the reunion of our class, albeit a year early and in the most terribly sad way possible.

In his valedictory address, he urged us to strive to be real with others and ourselves. From his model, I would add that we should also strive to stride big through the world, engage with people around us, and take joy when joy is to be had.

His model would also urge us to drink cheap-ass grapefruit pop and eat Kraft Dinner and watch really terrible B horror movies until passing out, but that one I think you can take or leave.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I also knew Trajan and have stumbled across this posting while looking hopelessly for answers to the questions surrounding his death. I haven't found answers but I have found an eloquent description that captures some of what made Trajan such an amazing person. Would you mind if I forwarded this to some of his friends?

robyn said...

Hi Lee. Please do. I'd love to hear some of your memories too. Talking about him with people who knew him makes me feel much better about all this. It shows how deep and wide his influence stretched to inspire people. Maybe I'll meet you on the 18th?

Anonymous said...

I too knew Trajan, I loved him dearly and still can not comprehend what has happened. I saw him last at the end of February. We spent an amazing day together, one in which we hung out at the Nanaimo river, ate dragon fruit and Dutch licorice (he didn't like it), and hung out at the pool. He didn’t have swimming trunks so he agreed that if there were any Speedo’s in the bin of lender swimwear he would wear it. As it was all they had were outrageously saggy black old man shorts so that was almost as good as Speedos. I am so very thankful that I at least have this memory of him at his liveliest, funniest and smartest self so fresh in my mind. I met Trajan six years ago a few months before he went off to Chile. We had an instant connection, the kind where you make eye contact and you feel this strange zap and you just know that this is someone you know already. Strange but true...we both felt it. I have never laughed as hard as I have when I was in the company of Trajan. We came up with the most outrageous pranks, I felt as though I had met a male version of myself. The last day we spent together, we coincidentally spoke about how to keep life interesting as “life is just too short” to do anything but. Little did we know just how true this statement was. He had just been thriving in a play that he was very excited about. I remember us laughing at the fact that his character was a whiny, sniffling, weakling son of a doctor, and that he was so full of life, strong, healthy and so not a whiner (although he was the son of a doctor). Apparently his director had told him to loose the manly beard he was sporting. I have hundreds of emails from Trajan that he sent to me over years, filled with tales and adventures. I too was the recipient of letters filled with all sorts of goodies from Chile ( all his bus passes, tickets to events, plastic dinosaurs in compromising positions, and animal colouring posters he had found somewhere for my kids…two so they wouldn’t fight). Trajan’s family was amazing and I had the good fortune to spend some time with them as well. My heart is filled with sorrow not only for my own loss but for his wonderful parents and siblings and anyone else he knew and loved. The world has lost an amazing human being in a senseless inconceivable manner. As I write this I know that I am still in shock and just can’t believe that this is real. He sent me an email ten days before the accident with the heading “Maybe we’ll break the chain” he was referring to the fact that perhaps we could finally spend time together in the summer as circumstances had always been such that we only had ever hooked up during the winter months. He was planning and coming out at the beginning of July “when it would be properly summer” and going back to our river spot. It seems we could not break the chain. I hope to meet many others who loved Trajan on the 18th. I don’t believe the hole that has been left with Trajan’s departure will ever be filled. My thoughts are with anyone whose life has been touched by this remarkable soul we know as Trajan, and to say that he will be missed is a massive understatement. Words can truly not express what has been lost.

Anonymous said...

Hello, I didn't know Trajan, but I should have since he is a member of my family. I learned of his tragic passing through the grapevine. Thank you for your "description" of Trajan, it helped me to realize what kind of person he was. I am terribly disappointed that I did not have the opportunity to know him. I know that we would have had a lot of amazing tales to share.

sksw said...

It's premature, I suppose. But perhaps we may want to float with his family whether a YP award in the likeness of the Fisi and Paynter should be in order. Though I have not spoken to him in a decade or so, I have fond memories of the great joy he brought to others in his humour and in his spirit!

Anonymous said...

Hi Robyn...and all other friends of Trajan,
I loved what you wrote. It really expresses some of Trajan's uniqueness. He truely was the most unique individual I have ever had in my life. I feel so lucky to have had him influenece my life for the last 13 years and especially to have lived with him last year. He made everything we did exciting and brightened the room with a spark of curiousity and enthusiasm. He told me about the play you guys did together in high school and recounted the experience with you, with such fondness. Trajan made everyone who he encountered feel special. He had a way of finding out what you were passionate about and what made you excited and bringing it out of you. He liked to make people feel good and you couldn't help but feel like a better person after being around him. You can never really get enough of him- the loss is profound! I miss him so deeply, just as everyone who knew him does. Like others have expressed, he was not affraid to love and be open with people- ALL PEOPLE. He created a special connection with everyone he knew, that was just the way he related in the world. He believed he could do anything, and he did.
I'll see you on the 18th Robyn, and all the other friends of Trajan's I have yet to meet. Kellsie

Anonymous said...

Hello again all. Could someone post when and where the memorial for Trajan will be held or email me the information at vhaentjens@yahoo.ca. Thanks and big hugs to all of you and hope to meet you on the 18th.

Anonymous said...

Texas Montana, Jamie Cullen.

Trajan. he was a tester. a boundary pusher. A modern-day pioneer without limits. He was one of my favourite Chiangs.

He was the champion o' the poo dollar too.

Walking along Burrard Street bridge one evening last summer, a little blurred from an evening of beer, sports and nuts, Trajan turned to me and asked me, "Jamie, if you had unlimited money, what would you do?"

I replied, without hesitation, "I'd put on concerts, at minimal cost, to share my love of music."

Being a value-added type o' man, he replied, "Do you know what I'd do?"

Curious, I asked, "What?" With a small smirk on my face, as if I knew something hilarious was coming.

He began, "I'd fly all my friends from around the world to Vancouver, on my dollar. I'd rent the Commodore Ballroom (a 1000 person venue in Vancouver), I'd get the best dance DJ's, and I'd make sure EVERY one had the dance of their lives."

I was astonished by the love he had for all of you, his friends.

I am even more astonished by the love that all of you have given him, his friends, and his family since his passing. You amaze me.

Pondering this idea, I realized that I could no longer stay in Byron Bay, Australia, and I flew home within 24 hours of deliberation (arriving today) to be at his Awake Party.

Trajan, as Jonathan Livingston once heard from Chiang, "In the middle of here and now, don't you think we'll see each other once or twice?"

trajan, thanks for being in OUR 'now'.

you beautiful, Beautiful, man-gull.

Anonymous said...

"Hello, I didn't know Trajan, but I should have since he is a member of my family. I learned of his tragic passing through the grapevine. Thank you for your "description" of Trajan, it helped me to realize what kind of person he was. I am terribly disappointed that I did not have the opportunity to know him. I know that we would have had a lot of amazing tales to share." Shanda

Anonymous said...

jamie: r u sure trajan said he would "get the best dance DJ's" or did he actually say "the best DANCEHALL DJ's"? I don't want to knitpick but i don't think tre-jah would want us to get that twisted, would he... he wasn't the type of guy who was listening to ibiza club hits volume 8 very much...

but i'm just having fun jamie ;)

what can we, I, say about trakwan? so many things. part of what seems to be so amazing to ALL of us is how he was able to connect with everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, species, height, hair colour, orientation, blood type etc... i don't know if i ever new anyone who approached life and people like this so truthfully...

geordie said that its funny how all the cliches we use to hear are now ringing true. he was too good for this world... he lived each day like it was his last... all that shite... but geordie was right

i had so many fun and amazing experiences with trajan... this is just one more way to remember and give thanks.

peace, love, and praises to all

el dorado

robyn said...

hello everyone. just a note: the Kay Meek Centre is at 1700 Mathers in West Vancouver, one block west of 15th Street, easy to access from both Marine Drive (go up) and the highway (go down). 5:00 on Saturday.

and: thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts and memories. he lives again each time i hear a new story (or re-hear an old one). it's a big ol' pool of love, is what it is, and diving in makes me feel better.

Anonymous said...

Hi Robyn, et. al.,

My dad sent me the an email telling me about the tragedy and link from the North Shore News. I sent it on to others who I knew would not otherwise find out about it because of losing touch or moving away.

In return I got a link to your blog... There are so many fond memories, and although I haven't seen Tragan, or indeed many of you, since leaving high-school he is one of the people I remember most fondly from high school days.

I now live in London and am sorry that I will miss the memorial. All the best to all if you. With love, a.

Anonymous said...

texas manitoba here.
this song means a lot to me.
i knew a talking head once.
he was so much more.

Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - burn with a weak heart
(So I) guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up + say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - -she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all tose kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh

Anonymous said...

I did not know Trajan very well at all, but, like many other people, I had heard great things about him (prior to meeting him.) He was a very close friend, adventure enthusiast and work colleague of my friend Mark. Following my graduation from High School, I left the familiarity of home to embark on a mission to “find myself” (you know, we all have one of those missions at some time in our lives) in a place far, far away. For one reason or another, I chose Vancouver, Canada, to be the place I would find what I was searching for. Before long, I bumped into a man by the name of Mark, a very generous, youthful, ‘carpe diem’ kinda bloke, who took me under his wing to help make my first experience of Van a good one. Since the day I met Mark in July of 2002, I have remained close friends with him and his family, and, as a result, have met and had the fortune to know, many of his friends. Trajan was always the one friend of Mark’s whom I had never met, and whom he had spoken the most fondly of. If my memory serves me correctly, he was studying in Chili during my stay in Vancouver in the latter half of 2002. (Funnily enough, I first met Mark in the airport while in transit in LAX on my way up to Vancouver. He, too, was in transit, on his way back from Peru after climbing Machu Picchu with Trajan.)

I left Vancouver in late December, 2002, vowing to return, some day. Sure enough, I returned to Van for a week last February to visit my good friend Mark. A few days into my visit, I finally caught up with the phantom – Trajan. The first time I met him was in the back of a Mercedes-Benz. He was riding in the back seat with me, while Mark and another friend were in the front. I was invited along to accompany them on a brief business trip up to Kelowna. We got to know each other on the way to the airport, at the hanger and on the way up. I fondly recall listening to the Eagles with him on my ipod on the way back from Kelowna in Mark’s plane, just as the sun was setting over the snow-capped mountains. He made me feel welcome.

Perhaps most vividly, I recall sharing a meal with Trajan, Mark and another friend, upon our return to Vancouver that night. I believe it was a French restaurant in West-Van. I remember it being the best dinner I had had in ages, not because of the food, but because of the company. I still have that photo of us four at dinner that night – Trajan and I with our beards and all, smiling away, savoring the food and the friends around us, tellin’ yarns. At the time, I had just turned 21, and was on the verge of starting my senior year of university. And, now, some 10 months later, as my graduation looms, I remember looking up to this guy who seemed so worldly, so mature, so care-free, so engaging, and so charismatic – a leader. I just wanted to get to know him better, to have more time with him, to share more stories, to have a laugh.

For me, I think Kellsie hit it on the head. She said that "Trajan made everyone who he encountered feel special. He had a way of finding out what you were passionate about and what made you excited and bringing it out of you." I could not have put it better myself.

After dinner that night, I bumped into him at Mark’s office a few times before the week was out. I hoped to stay in touch, and we did. On May 10th, I heard from him for the last time. He sent me an email telling me how he had been juggling work, busy moving into new digs, and performing in a play. He (very modestly) recounted how “it seems the adjudicator was pretty pleased with our show”. He ended by saying that he hoped I was finding time to kick back at something other than studies. It was good advice, something I have since heeded. I found out about Trajan’s passing in an email from Mark a few months later.

The truth is, I only really spent one day with Trajan, and knew him only fleetingly. But from what I have gathered, he was a top bloke. Trajan is an example of what it means to be a mate. I only wish I could have had the chance to know him better. I am sure we would have found a common ground. I am sure we would have been good mates. I will close with some parting words to his friends and family. I wish you well.

Brisbane – Australia

For so many years
I’ve been knocking
on the door to understanding –

Knocking…
Knocking…
Not understanding…

At last,
The door opens –

At once,
I understand:

For so many years
I’ve been knocking
on the door –
from the inside!

-- Mevlana Jelaladin Rumi

Anonymous said...

I met Trajan in 2001 in a youth hostel in Buenos Aires. He caught my attention because he was at the sink in the kitchen making a salad of
enormous proportions. We got talking and ended up hanging out, playing chess and cooking big steaks on the roof terrace. Shortly afterwards, my
friend Anna and I moved into a ratty apartment in Buenos Aires and Trajan stayed there for the rest of his time in the city. Despite the very short
time we knew each other, we became fast friends and stayed in touch over the years. We tried to meet up several times but never managed it - although Trajan did spend a St Patrick's Day with several of my friends in Dublin. We
emailed regularly over the years, long long emails rabbiting on about our lives, and as a consequence a friendship developed which has certainly been unique in my life. Because we never saw each other again and kept in touch entirely by email correspondence, it became a sort of old-fashioned friendship and one that developed in isolation. We had a great time mailing each other describing what nonsense was going on in our respective lives, and I will always treasure those emails and the incredible attitude to life and
unique turn of phrase that lies within them.

I only realised he had died when an email I sent him bounced back to me. I hadn't heard from him in a long time and when I saw the mail returned to my inbox, I had an awful feeling that something terrible had happened. Unfortunately, that proved to be the case. It makes me sad to think that his email account, from which so many witty and life-affirming missives were sent around the world has become inactive and dormant.

One thing that Trajan taught me was how to wash up the dishes with just one jug of water. Something I still do, and think of him when I'm doing it.

Something else that always struck me about Trajan, and has stayed with me, was how adamant he was that he was going to have kids and his great faith in his ability to be a father. At
what was a relatively young age - I for one considered myself a callow youth - he had an amazing gravitas towards the more important things in life and always spoke with great certainty about the time when he would be a father. This more than anything else makes me think what a great loss he is.

Even though I didn't know him terribly well, I'll miss him a lot. Sometimes friendship is just about the potential of a given relationship. That's very much how I think of Trajan. If he hadn't died, we probably wouldn't have seen each other very often at all, but the knowlede that he was there cooling his boots in Chile or Vancouver or wherever would have made me happy. It's very sad that he of all people isn't around to enjoy it all...

Seamus

Unknown said...

I was with trajan martin in turkey. I stumbled upon your post here while looking for information on his whereabouts so I could contact him.

The news of his death hits me just as hard as it would have to you three years ago.

I have an answer to what he was talking about on the back of that candy bar wrapper....

I know that this post is VERY old now....but if you would like to talk about it more, please email me privately.

Sincerely,

Matthew Ruch

Mac Attack said...

Hi, I don't know who you are, but I just wanted to say this was beautifully written- hit the nail on the head, you described Trajan in a nutshell.
My dads name is Mark Sager, he was his best friend (or at least one of them.), and acted like an older brother to me. I grew up with him always there, I remember the day I was told he wouldn't be there anymore. I miss him so much.
I'm sorry to remind you of this on this random, wednesday night about three years later. I was just telling a friend about him and decided to google him so I could send him some kind of news paper article or something. Although then I stumbled across this- which proved to be a much better description.
Thank you for that.

robyn said...

Hi Mac

Thanks for your post. I was reading the other postings here to reply to yours and it just hits me all over again. Though the thing that I realise this time not just is how much knowing Trajan has changed my life but that event of his death may have made the lessons of his example sink in even more deeply. Truly, the guy had some deceptively simple things that he stuck to (so lovingly described above) that we can all practice at.

I met your dad when he was Mayor and remember he and Trajan striking up a real camaraderie. You were a lucky person to have had him in your life, but I guess the consensus is we all were. It's a tribute to him (and his far reach-- both geographically and metaphysically) that people are continuing to find this page and add another bit of love to the chain.

Best to you, hope things are going well for you!

Anonymous said...

Trajan was an extraordinary person. Today, four years later to the day, he continues to inspire all who knew of him.

Warren Ireland
May 27, 2009

Unknown said...

Just out of curiosity, I decided to google Trajan's name and this is the first thing that comes up. As his little cousin I can sure say he has always been my hero. I've loved reading these stories, I think we all have some to tell :)

The whole family spent Christmas in Whistler one year, and one night there were a bunch of us who were almost non-stop in the hot-tub, only getting out to get another beer or roll in the snow. Trajan thought it would be a great idea if we all went down the street barefooted and in our bathing suits and started asking the neighbors if we could borrow some sugar, because we "ran out while baking a cake". Of course, he does all this with an impeccable british accent. One neighbor actually gave us a little plastic bag of sugar, which I still have :)

-Hez

Rachel said...

I knew Trajan in Chile as my boyfriend's roommate. I heard that he died and was thinking about him today. He was the best. So cool & carefree and everything I wished I could someday be.

Anonymous said...

I know your post is so old, but it's May 27 today and I just needed to google Trajan to get some kind of connection and I came across this!

Everyones posts are so beautiful and full of love. Thanks everybody, for helping to keep our memory of him vivid..

So much love, Emma