I don't why I am so annoyed at being thought of as nice. It's not especially bad, I guess. But I also guess that it is: passive, milquetoast-y, feminine, boring, unopinionated, and the prerequisite state for being taken advantange of.
Also, a lot of people at school get me mixed up with this other person who is geniunely nice in a way that I am not. Like, really nice and quite sweet and good at being really accomodating and helpful. I am overjoyed to report she's got some inner rage, and yet her niceness prevails. Lately I feel my inner rage getting away from me.
But perhaps I'm just afraid of what I'll be like if I don't keep the nice shields up. What if during an attack of frustration the shields dropped to 80 percent, then 40 percent, then disappeared altogether? Maybe it's like that time I stopped shaving my legs just to see how bad it would really get. Because, folks, it didn't really get that bad and then I was free.
2 comments:
It's funny, I was actually thinking about something very similar today. Not that you are a bitch -- rather, for some reason I was trying to think of females in this place, this program, that are legitimately nice, or sweet, or kind...and very few names spring to mind. The reason for this is I think that oftentimes those particular attributes do not necessarilly get you that far when you are a female. I don't aim to be a supersweet girly girl, but it's a little sad to think that even if I were entirely and naturally nice and sweet and kind, it probably wouldn't be advantageous or productive in any tangible way - at least here. Sort of non-freeing in another way.
No, I actually think that being female and really nice is the death combo for film school. And I would guess the film business.
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